That’s the question I asked myself at the end of this book.  Who is Someone?

And my next question was, who cares?!

I wanted to like this book.  I had many reasons to…

A) My husband gave it to me for Christmas (Awww…).
B) It was a finalist for the National Book Award (should be a good story).
C) This author receives so many accolades, awards and is so well reputed in the literary world (even though I didn’t much like another of McDermott’s books, Charming Billy, I’m certain this one will be different).

But, I felt nothing for the book…neither liked it nor disliked it. It was forgettable;  just like the title, just like the book’s cover. Nothing stood out. I didn’t hate any characters or love them. I didn’t care either which way.

And at the end, I just kind of sat there, disappointed.  I tried to reflect on what I’d just read and the plot and the protagonist and it all kind of seemed blurry to me; as though I had read the entire thing while distracted and couldn’t bring to mind its significance. And then I decided to ponder the title to see if it may tie everything together or present a great reveal that I had somehow missed while reading the 232 pages.

Nope, I didn’t miss anything that I know of.

More importantly, if I did miss a clue as to who “Someone” is, it just doesn’t really matter to me!

and tastes really yummy?

Here’s a hint…

It starts with these 2 tools, a bowl and this ultra- yummy fruit ( tempting to call it a veggie because it’s green & savory, but it is technically a fruit and specifically a single-seeded berry)…

Any guesses?

Well, this is my interpretation on the greatest guacamole you’ll ever taste. Although, I cannot take the credit for its deliciousness.  My time spent in Laredo, Texas with my Mexican friends has taught me a thing or two about their delightful cuisine…

#1 Lesson learned about making guacamole: The avocado is the star of the show.  Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!  Don’t mask it’s flavor with too much of any other ingredient: salt, lime, tomato, onion, whatever else you decide to mix with it.

#2 Lesson learned about making guacamole: Don’t mix it with too much else! Simple is best.  The ingredients below make the perfect one; the one I relished during my visits “across” the border when I lived in Southern Texas. Plus salt!

Ok, here it is…my secret recipe…

Take 1-2 avocados, tear into them with this absolutely necessary avocado knife. It removes the pit, and scoops out all the meat.  Then you start “chopping/mashing” with it.  See, you need it!

Once you’ve reached your desired consistency, I like mine a bit chunky, you add about a tablespoon of milk.  The lactic acid in the milk helps delay the oxidation of the avocado, the process of the mouth-watering green guacamole you can’t get enough of turning an unappetizing brown.

Then chop up about a tablespoonful and a half of red or white onion.  Important step: Rinse chopped onion under cold water to remove some of the sting & smell associated with eating a raw onion.  Your guests will thank you for it & your husband will too when you go to kiss him goodnight!

Then blot the onions dry.  Add about a tablespoon and a half of chopped fresh cilantro (Yum!).  Reservedly squeeze in about 1/2 of a slice of lime. (Don’t add more than this because the lime juice will overpower the avocado.)  Add salt to taste; again, not too much because the tortilla chips will be plenty salty.

And serve!  Pronto!

Note:  The milk will retard the browning process for only so long, so if you see that there may be some guacamole left over (doubt it!), push plastic wrap right down onto its surface in the tupperware, seal it up and put it in the fridge to enjoy later!

I go days without walking to my mailbox and getting the mail.  Isn’t that odd?  But I’m sure that I’m not the only one….there are probably hundreds of thousands of mailboxes in the United States that feel abandoned and lonely multiple times throughout the week!

I only get bills in the mail, and since they all also come to me first via text alerts and emails, what is the rush?

I blame the forlorn American mailbox on the lost art of letter writing.  It is so rare to see a handwritten version of your name on an envelope nowadays.  And I’ve been fooled with a rush of excitement by those crafty marketing ploys that stamp a “handwritten” name & address on their advertisement stuffed parcels.  Nice try!

Write a note.  Start with a note, at least.  Slide it into an envelope, stick a stamp on it and make someone’s day.  It feels as though someone really appreciates you when you receive a handwritten message from them through the mail!

Thank you notes are the perfect way to express thoughtfulness.  Don’t send a thank you text or email.  This is not as personal as praise communicated by post!  Thank the hostess who had you over for the weekend, for a party, for dinner.  Thank the gift giver.  Take the time to do this by hand.  It is so much more respectful and your gratitude will be properly presented and recognized.

Snail mail is underrated these days and yet I know that I am not alone when I admit that when I finally do drag myself to grab the mail, I am secretly hoping that there’s an envelope with my name on it in handwriting that I recognize…

It’s the end of the growing season here in New England.  I’ve pulled out the dried up snap pea stalks, the green bean plants, and the zucchini plants are struggling to send out a few final blossoms which then mold right away…

But those cherry tomato plants just keep on chuggin’.  They are so incredibly prolific!  I pop quite a few in my mouth on my daily morning trek out to water the remains of my garden with my little beach rose.  She pops one or 2 into her mouth every morning and feeds the compromised ones that lay on the ground to the “buc bucs” (chickens).  We top off our salads with them.  And the plants are still teeming with them…

What to do with the rest of these glorious orbs???

Pile them high into a colander, the ripe ones from the vine and the riper ones that have fallen beneath the tangled ropes of thickened, slightly discolored tomato stalks onto the ground below.

Wash off the beautiful soil that’s accumulated on them.

Fill up a 9 x 13 inch pan with them.  Or 2. Or 3.

Drizzle with olive oil. Add a couple, two, tree (sorry, some of the French Canadian on my Mom’s side coming out…) chopped garlic cloves. Salt and pepper generously.  Add a handful of your favorite chopped herbs from your stash (garden or vegetable drawer in your fridge). Put in 400 degree oven for about an hour and VOILA!  Roasted tomatoes!

Blend them if you want a smoother, creamier tomato sauce. Leave as is for a more rustic, chunky sauce. Mix with some pesto for added richness. Throw over some pasta with a couple of parmesan shavings and dinner’s done. Or if like me, dinner cannot be served to your husband unless it has a generous heaping of a substantial protein, add some shrimp sautéed in butter or chunks of cooked chicken or shredded rotisserie chicken from the grocery store.  Bon appétit!

When you buy jam at the grocery store, the closest thing to the amazing homemade ones my Mémé & aunts made that I grew up eating in France are Bonne Maman.

Why would you ever take the time to make your own jam, when you can buy these delicious ones?  I agree.  I was always pretty realistic about making homemade everything.  Homemade pasta, homemade tortillas, homemade jam, homemade stock, etc, etc.  This takes up a lot of valuable time and the ones you can purchase for a couple of dollars at the grocery store are usually fantastic.  We’ve come a long way with choices in the store…all natural, fresh, organic, etc.  Why bother?

Well…

There is something so satisfying in picking the fruit you are planning to put into your jam.

And, there is such an enormous difference in taste between the store-bought and the homemade; you’d be shocked!  The berries you are using are at their freshest; just picked off the bush. And due to the difference between those watered down, gigantic, homogeneous strawberries at the store which have no flavor and the sweet, tiny, misshapen ones with an ant hole in it here or there have so much sweetness packed in, the jams are night and day.

Plus, there is a whole WORLD of types of jams you can make when you make your own.  There are berries out there that you’ve probably never heard of that are amazing in jam.  For me, the more sour the berry, the better tasting the jam.  The sugar you add to it makes it perfectly sweet and mouth-watering. And you can mix and match…ever make peach/raspberry crisp?  What about trying to make a peach/raspberry jam?  Yum!

Here’s how you make about 1 1/2 cups of your own homemade jam…

same weight sugar as berries

 

If you want to can it, this is super easy to do with jams.  Did I mention it was super easy?

Below is the link to the National Center for Home Food Preservation.  It is awesome!  It clues you in to everything to do with canning.  Check it out…

http://nchfp.uga.edu/how/can_home.html

 

 

…”Wild” by Cheryl Strayed.

Been there, done that.

Another late 20s, early 30s female coming-of-age journey to self-discovery.  They’re confused, derailed, lacking direction/motivation, hitting rock bottom, financially ruined, emotionally bankrupt, the product of recent divorce (of their own doing)…

Sound familiar?

Like “Eat, Pray, Love” maybe???

Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Not many revelations for the reader.  A couple of supposed, hyped up “close calls” with Mother Nature.  But basically you can expect a lot of self-aggrandizing, narcissism, etc.  “I”m so beautiful, I’m so tough, I’m so sexually ambivalent, I am woman hear me roar.”

 

Well, this is NOT it!

Recently finished ‘The Vacationers’ by Emma Straub.  I would give it a score of 2 on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest.  And I am being generous with the 2!  As a matter of fact, the only reason it’s getting a score above a 0 is that the book was easy to read and the author wasn’t an idiot (although her writing style was that of a junior high schooler’s).

That being said, the book was vapid, derivative (story’s been told before) and predictable.  I didn’t care about what happened to a single character.  And whenever I read a good book I dog ear the pages with significance, that I want to go back and reread, that I learned something on.  Nada one in this book!

People magazine said that this was “delicious”.  Not even close.  I’m sorry, but if you tell me that a book is delicious I am either expecting hot sex scenes, a juicy plot that keeps you on your toes, or amazing food descriptions with recipe tips!  Nothing in it was delicious.

This book was deemed a New York Times Bestseller.  What does that even mean anymore?  The NYT Bestseller list seems to have become a bit watered down.  Apparently your book makes it on their list if it sells “the most” books in a certain category in a certain week.  As clear as mud.  Perhaps ‘The Vacationers’ sold the most books in the “beach reads” category, during the summer?  Because let’s face it, if I were looking for a good beach read, a book with a title that promises people on vacation sounds like a sure bet.

Don’t waste your time!

Jump off a 3 story building without a parachute or net
OR
get run down by a 3.5 ton elephant?

Seems like a pretty absurd dilemma!  My answer?  No thanks to either one!!!

Absurd as it may seem, you’re choosing one or the other when you decide not to wear your seat belt and get in a car accident, at just 30 mph.

Wear seat belts.  Always.  All the time.  Never go without.  Even on short drives. And in the back seat.

…and always sit in the back seat if you are not driving.  The “death seat” is the passenger seat next to the driver of an automotive vehicle. It is so called because this seat is said to be the most dangerous one when there’s an accident.

S eatbelts
A re
F or
E veryone

Motor vehicle crashes are a leading cause of death among those aged 1-54 in the U.S.   –  US CDC Injury Control

With seat belts the risk of fatal injury is reduced by 45%, and the risk of moderate to critical injury is reduced by 65%.

My husband and I lost a best friend in a car accident when he was 21 years old.  He was driving on a rural back road, lost control of his car and crashed into a stone wall.  One of the paramedics first on the scene was my father-in-law.  He said that the vehicle was “barely” damaged, and had our friend been wearing his seat belt, he would have walked away with a couple of scrapes. Instead, his head hit the windshield and he snapped his neck.

Sorry to be so morbid, but it’s another of those life lessons I learned the hard way and want to save you from.  I have not gone on any car ride since the day of my buddy’s death without buckling in.

That sinking feeling you get in your gut when you see the bacon grease splash up from the pan onto your favorite pair of jeans…

or worse…

That nauseated feeling you get when you pull your beautiful shirt out of the dryer and see a set, pinkish stain that you must have missed when you put it in the washer to begin with.

Rule #1:  The minute you see the stain, you treat it.  Most likely if you do, you can get the stain right out…no matter what it is…grease, strawberry juice, grass, blood.

Rule #2:  Check your clothes before you wash them, in case you’ve missed something when it occurred. Best not to dry a stain.  This will set it and make it much more difficult to remove.

Rule #3:  Don’t panic.  This stain remover formula is truly supernatural!

My sister worked in an Assisted Living Facility/Nursing Home and the employees who helped launder bedding, towels, etc passed on their tip for removing tough stains.

Drum roll please…

Will need:
-Small, empty spray bottle
-Old toothbrush
-Dawn Original Dish Detergent
-Hydrogen Peroxide

Mix 1 part Dawn detergent with 2 parts hydrogen peroxide in the spray bottle.
(In other words, 1 cup Dawn & 2 cups
hydrogen peroxide, or 2 cups Dawn &
4 cups hydrogen peroxide, or 3 cups Dawn
& 6 cups hydrogen peroxide…am I being a bit redundant here?!)

Shake vigorously.  Shake, shake, shake!  Work those arms!

Now you can liberally spray this onto the affected area, and start scrubbing at it with the toothbrush.  You should see the stain start to fade, right before your very eyes. Yay!

     

     

Then you’ll want to take said tainted garment and place it in your washing machine, in a hot (as hot as your machine gets) water soak with one
Oxi Clean packet for 3-4 hours. Then wash as directed.

CHECK to see if the stain is gone before drying.  If not, repeat above steps.

*Disclaimer:  Notice I didn’t list nail polish as one of the villains that this über stain battling formula can remove.  Alas, although this superpower is superior to any stain fighter I’ve come across, nail polish is the one villain that it hasn’t yet defeated. “Where an irresistible force meets an immovable object.”

As a matter of fact, I don’t know of any way to remove a nail polish stain. Do you?  I could certainly use the tip… 

For weeks after buying our brand new couch, I would hiss at my husband any time he came near it with food, drink, or just his possibly dirty hands/feet/clothes.  And of course… one day I decide to apply a new coat of nail polish to my toes, “Red Hot Tamale”, lose control of the brush and send a red hot streak flying through the air onto the front of the couch.  Did I mention it was a big streak? This was years ago and my husband still points to it whenever I try to get upset with him about any mishap he may have had.  Because mine will always be much, much worse.